What I'm Doing To Get Through My Breakup

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The heartache that a breakup leaves can often feel like too much to bear. When the person that you trusted with your heart decides to rip it out, it can feel like the whole world is crashing down around you. If you're anything like me, your world practically revolved around this person, and you would have done anything for them. You saw a future with this person, or at the very least, you were fond of their company, so watching them go, and not being able to do anything about it, can feel unbearable. I'll be honest with you, I am not good at handling the pain of heartbreak. I will feel the pain not only feel it mentally and emotionally but physically too, it's horrible, and I will often feel it to some degree for months, or even over a year.

But I don't want to be feeling horrible for months, and I certainly don't want to feel this way for a year or more. So as hard as it may be, I have to find a way to pick myself back up and try to get through this. I'm not saying that I'm not going to allow myself to feel the sadness when I'm feeling sad, but I'm also not going to lay in bed all day and dwell in negativity, self-pity, and self-loathing either. There is no reason why I shouldn't allow myself to feel anything but negativity. There is absolutely no reason why I should let one person tear me down and cause me to throw away all the progress I've made in all aspects of my life, no matter how much I may care for that person. I have to find a way to get through this and pick myself back up. And I need to do it sooner rather than later.

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Allowing myself to feel and release the emotions

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It's completely natural to be upset after a breakup, and it's okay if you don't feel okay after you've had your heart ripped out. You are not weak for feeling the way that you're feeling, and no, you are not pathetic for it. Whatever you're feeling is valid, and you should allow yourself to feel whatever it is your feeling. Honestly, you shouldn't try to bury them, because if you don't allow yourself to feel and release them, they can come back with a vengeance, when you least expect them to. So seriously, let yourself cry, and find healthy ways to release those emotions, as it's a vital part of the healing process. It's also necessary to understand that, with something as emotionally taxing as a breakup, the emotions come in waves, so you must be patient with yourself and allow yourself to feel and release them as they come.

Honestly, I feel that the process of releasing your emotions after a breakup is a bit different than just feeling the need to vent on a bad day because, as I said, the feelings are often intense and come in waves. It's unfortunately not something that one vent session is going to fully release. It's also easy to dwell in the negative emotions when dealing with heartbreak, which is why I also want to include some healing elements within the venting process. So, with that said, here are a few things that I'll be doing to let it all out as I get through this breakup...

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Reminding myself of the things that make me happy

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I'll be honest, when I fall in love with somebody, they are the #1 thing that makes me happy. Yeah, I know, I should probably stop allowing lovers to rank that high for me; but I digress. My point is, although that person made me happy, there are certainly other things in my life that bring me a lot of joy, even if I need a little reminder of them. Seriously though, you have more things to smile about than just this person, things that weren't taken from you in the breakup. You still have your family and friends, your pets, your hobbies, your favorite TV show, and so many other things that can make you smile, so try to focus on these things.

If you need a little help focusing on these things, it may help to sit down and make a list of the things that make you happy. Add everything that comes to mind to this list, whether it's a hobby, a show, an item that you own, a place you enjoy visiting, anything. You just might be surprised at how many things bring you joy.

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Focusing on self-care

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Let's be real, it's easy enough to let self-care fall to the wayside when life gets busy, or when it gets stressful. But when a breakup (or any significantly upsetting event) happens, I tend to throw all self-love and self-care right out the window. Not only will I neglect to do anything nice for myself, but I won't even take care of myself. I will get out of my routine and fall into bad habits, causing myself to feel even worse. Not only that, but I'll be straight up rude to myself, and I'll find myself punishing myself for the breakup. I'll treat myself with anything but love and kindness. No wonder I will feel terrible for so long after experiencing a breakup! Seriously, I need to stop punishing myself for someone else's decision. This time around, I need to take care of myself. Now more than ever, I need to focus on self-care.

And when I say I need to focus on self-care, I don't just mean taking bubbles baths and watching Netflix all day. The thing about self-care is, while it can certainly be fun and relaxing, it's also doing things that are good for you, even when you really don't want to. This includes getting back into my routine, breaking out of the bad habits, being active again, working towards my goals, and doing what I need to do to care for myself. Of course, I'm going to allow myself to relax and do things that I enjoy too, this is still a necessary part of self-care as well, but you get the idea. I talk about self-care a lot on my blog, so I might as well practice it. Perhaps I should do a few things from my own posts during this time...

• 
  65 Ways To Practice Self-Love

  65 ideas for practicing self-love and keeping your cup full through self-care
• 
  Self-Care Using Modern Technology?!

  Do you have a hard time putting your phone down? Because same!! Although we could all benefit from putting our phones down once in a while, there ARE a few ways they can be used for self-care!

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Reminding myself what I love about myself

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It's easy for me to pick out the things that I love in other people, especially a lover. Even when I'm mad at that person, and it's easy for me to see their flaws, it's easy for me to remember what I love about that person. However, I tend to not have that same energy when it comes to loving myself. I am often highly critical of myself as it is, and find myself falling into negative self-talk quite frequently. And when a breakup happens, I tend to fall into the trap of complete self-loathing, and I won't have anything kind to say about myself. Seriously, I will tear myself down to nothing, and I won't do anything to divert those negative thoughts. I will pick apart my flaws, my mistakes, and everything about myself. I will tell myself that I'm worthless as if that person defines my worth, even though I know that you should never let another person define your worth. Seriously, I need to stop bashing myself just because things went wrong somewhere in a relationship, regardless of whether it's of my doing or not; and if you do this, you need to stop it too.

Even though that person may have left, I am still worthy of love. I am worthy of loving myself. Whether I actually want to admit it to myself or not, I do have good qualities. I'm not worthless because a lover chose to walk away, and the same goes for you. You are worthy of love, you are worthy of loving yourself. You do not need another person's approval to know your worth. Seriously, take a moment to acknowledge what you love about yourself, and don't be modest. Oh, and write them down somewhere, that way you'll have a list of things that you love about yourself on hand for whenever you need a reminder.

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Finding positivity

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I know how easy it is to dwell in negativity when you're heartbroken. When I get my heart ripped out, I'll feel like nothing will ever be okay again, and that nothing good ever lasts. I'll have all sorts of negative thoughts about love, myself, and life in general. I'll be so full of negativity that, quite honestly, I'm bringing a lot more negativity onto myself. Seriously, how can I expect anything positive to happen in my life with such a cynical attitude? So as hard as it is, even when you're going through it, it's more than necessary to try to find ways to remain positive. I'm not saying that you have to super joyful, but you shouldn't be entirely cynical either.

You can find positivity by remembering the things that make you happy and taking part in the things that bring you joy. You can find positivity by acknowledging the things that you love about yourself. You can find positivity by practicing gratitude. Perhaps you could consider what you've learned from the relationship, and be grateful for the lesson that you learned from it. Although I know that's a hard pill to swallow when you're heartbroken, so maybe in time. But there are a lot of ways to find positivity, even when you're going through it, you just have to know where to look; and believe that you can have a positive mindset. Seriously, even if you're having nothing but negative thoughts right now, you can shift your mindset towards positivity, you just have to believe that you can.

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The heartache of a breakup can be intense and long-lasting when you had strong feelings for that person. If can often feel like you're not only losing your lover but your best friend as well. If you're anything like me, the pain of heartbreak can be practically debilitating mentally, emotionally, and physically. If there's anything that we can all agree on, it's the fact that breakups really freaking suck. Seriously, they suck. And if you need a few days to just cry and take a time out, that's completely understandable. But the thing is, you can't let this one person tear you down, you have to pick yourself back up. Seriously, as hard as it may be, you have to get back up. Do you really want to feel this way forever? Of course, you don't!

How do you handle the heartbreak of a breakup? What does the process of releasing the emotions, letting go, and healing look like for you? I'd honestly love to hear what your healing process looks like.